i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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