when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
