Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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