Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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