i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
