tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
