Is it normal to miss your booty call?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
