why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
