So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
