so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
