Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
