Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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