He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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