I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
