I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
