he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
