Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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