Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
