that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
