I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
