By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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