My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize