i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
