Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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