Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
