I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
