youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize