I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
