Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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