i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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