jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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