I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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