I'm drive I can fine osifer
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hippo gnu deer
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
