woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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