there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
