He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
