it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
