Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
