Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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