Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
