nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize