Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
