Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
