some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize