I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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