I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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