Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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