I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
