Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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