I will die if light touches me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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