i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
