You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girl is more easily done than said...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
