Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
