so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
