Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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