Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
