Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just invented taco cereal.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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