Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
