I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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